What is failure? What is it like to fail?
I haven’t binged since I begun, but every now and then I keep eating small cheat meals, so that I don’t get tempted for bigger ones. That, however, is still failure for me at some level. The journey on the path of fitness is a constantly evolving one. There are so many things you can explore and learn, about your own body, and with each step you get closer. Here are some of the things I have learnt during my journey so far.
These are the things I still have to learn.
When you start working out, it is generally just to lose weight. Weight loss is one of the biggest motivators, or mostly because of personal reasons such as people taunting you, making fun of you and the like. At the core of all of this, is anger. Anger is sometimes the biggest motivator. The problem with anger is that it is short lived. I have come down to 20% body fat now, and I’ve realized that I’ve run out of all my anger. Everything I had pent up within me, all of the frustration, it’s all going away slowly. I’m not saying I’m fit. I’m not even saying that I’m over my binge eating problem. I may fail. I may give up again.
But I’ve got clarity like never before.
When you watch all of these motivational videos and trainers speak, and you’re not that much into fitness, you’ll roll your eyes every time they tell you that getting a six pack is not all that important and having strength is more important. I mean what do they know right? It’s quite evident that everyone around you likes calling guys hot, and more often than not those guys tend to have abs. In fact, the trainer who’s telling you to focus on fitness is doing so without a shirt, flaunting his chiseled body at the camera. It is a study in hypocrisy.
My goal now, is to reach peak physical fitness, no matter what.
Think of it this way, when you are at peak physical fitness, you are bound to look good and probably even have abs. But what’s more important is that you will be in full control of your body. You will be at mental peace. I love opening my cupboard now. I haven’t lost all that much of weight but the weight loss has been enough for me to fit into my clothes again, and I love trying on new things I never even knew I had in my wardrobe. I’m kind of a hoarder that way. I used to buy clothes and say to myself ‘I’ll wear these when I’m in shape’ That day never came because I always gave up on my diet and my workout routine. It was always the same excuse. I was this close to my results and then some birthday, some party, some treat came up. Before I knew it, I was back on the drive.
Not this time though.
I don’t know if it is because I’m writing about it, or because I have a changed outlook towards the whole concept of eating, but I don’t feel the drive anymore. I don’t pass a roadside and think to myself,”Yeah I need to gorge down all these things”. It may have been due to the change in lifestyle or the fact that I feel accountable to all my readers (even if it might be just one). If you were to fail and eat a bit too much, what would happen?
Previously I’d feel the guilt. It was so heavy on me. It used to sit on my shoulders and keep menacing me about how useless I am and how it’s all over. And that’s the worst part. When your mind start steering your guilt towards “What does it even matter anymore? Why diet now? Why workout? You just ruined it all”, that is the place where you go back into binge eating. This is the one thought that you are supposed to avoid at all costs. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about binge eating or anything else. When you are persevering towards something with all your might and you fail, the one thought you should not listen to is where your mind tells you its all over now, and that you should just go back to the way things were.
Getting out of your comfort zone is difficult because your mind is comfortable in that zone. It doesn’t want to come out, and it will look for each and every opportunity to try and make you go back. In such a situation you cannot really listen and obey. You have to fight it. You had a bad binge? No biggie, start again tomorrow. If you have been working out well and your diet has been good, your body will get rid of the junk in a week or two. Just keep your resolve. Don’t feel bad and go back to that lifestyle again.
I’ve reached a point of stagnancy now. Nothing is changing. I’ve gotten to about 79 kg but nothing is happening past that. I think this is the part where I have to be patient. This would previously have been the part where I give up.
I’m going to keep trying harder and striving towards perfection. This isn’t some race where I’m trying to reach the finish line before everyone else. This isn’t to prove anything to anyone. I’m just trying to find peace, and for that I want to get rid of all the clutter in my life. The biggest form of clutter I see right now is my own body fat, and getting rid of it using the right ways will make me agile, active and fresh.
If you have faced failure out there or are struggling with weight loss, please read this entire article very carefully again. Your mind is your enemy, and destroying your tendency to binge and remaking new brain tendencies to lead a clean eating life, is going to take some time. Overcoming your temptations is going to take some time. Getting your life back on track IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME. Accept this fact and move on. Don’t be in a hurry to achieve results. Clean eat as if its a chore. Workout as if its a chore. Soon you will start to feel good and want to do it. Until then be patient with yourself. Don’t be so hard. Be kind on your body. Give it the nutrition it needs, don’t deprive it. Make sure you have enough to rebuild after you have burned off.
I hope you guys keep reading this and keep working at it. Peace.